My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
