Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
