I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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