She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize