i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
