Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
