people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
