her vagine was all disorganized.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
