Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
