i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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