His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
