It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
