obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
