I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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