that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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