you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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