Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
