Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
