dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
