I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
