community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
