My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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