I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize