I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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