remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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