She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
