Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
