I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
