I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize