from now on my penis is your penis
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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