I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
