New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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