well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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