Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
