I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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