Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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