look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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