Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
