We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
