We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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