one two three fourrrrnication!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
