dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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