It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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