Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the day after is always just damage control
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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