can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
