He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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