This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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