so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
