Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
