So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
