This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize