I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
