If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
