Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
