I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
