im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
