Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize