that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
