was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
