I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
