I hate your face
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
