In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize