Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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