I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
