Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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