Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
