just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
