So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
