he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it because I queefed?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
