i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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