Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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