in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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