Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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