Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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