I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
